Do you want more intimacy?

Opening doors and hearts is a part of my mojo. It’s what people in the industry call my highest leverage skill. I call it my superpower. 🙂

I have a gift with synergy, visioning, optimism, perspective and here she is- activating love and connection.

I never really had to learn how to do it. But because I’ve had an intense curiosity (and need) around figuring out humans and how they connect, I’ve also gotten better at it and more importantly for you recognizing exactly what it is.

I found when people asked me, “How do you do it?” I’d shrug my shoulders because I honestly didn’t understand.

It just happened, like magic.

Now I intentionally bring people closer to themselves and to each other. The “intra” and “inter” world is my gift and offer to the world. Creating love within and between is my game and the sandbox where I love to play.

So here’s the game, and the basic premise from recent scientific breakthroughs that have found the critical skills for building and keeping relationships that thrive.

I call it finding your best yes. Where you, with care and intention, find a yes without telling yourself or the other no. You’ve got to hunt, sniff, and track it down like it’s an exciting adventure towards your personal truth. You have to take the time to find the clues.

Your joy is exactly the same way. It rests within your felt needs. But It’s buried under distractions, frustrations, bad habits and ugly thought patterns that make it really hard to uncover. Take for instance wanting a shiny new sports car or motorcycle…often the deeper desire is for freedom in some part of your life.

Psychologists have found that the only difference between couples who stay together and those who break up was this same kind of thing, they call it active constructive responding, sharing in a “mutual joy.”

Gottman framed it as a habit of the mind and he called it turning toward a bid. They use the example of someone saying, “Look, there’s a bird.”

Are you turning toward the bid, with a “where?” “what?” or “really”? Or are you kinda bored and not interested and throwing blocks left and right at these tiny movements towards intimacy and connection?

You know the answer.

Play, experiment and have fun with this in your life.  Let me know how it goes.

*This fun little jewel was originally shared with my email list of Insiders on February 12, 2015. It might be embarrassing for me to admit but I haven’t written to them in over a year. I don’t quite know what is holding me back, but I’m noodling with it. This is an effort in figuring it out. 🙂